Moving across the country has provided many challenges to me, and one of them is losing contact with family and friends. The only link I have left now with a lot of people, including family, is through social media. I Facebook quite regularly, because frankly it is my only lifeline to people in Minnesota.
I often use the "feeling" emoticon in Facebook to convey what's going on with me personally. That being said, I learned a valuable life lesson today. I am naïve.
I have some posts about my son's autism. I recently used the "heartbroken" emoticon to convey how I was feeling about my son's first week of school and how it affected him so much. My son internalizes things and is profoundly deep. He is in a lot of pain emotionally, and just because his bruises are not on the outside of his body, doesn't mean he isn't wounded on the inside.
Someone relayed their opinion to me today that they find my posts about Corbin as too much attention seeking on my part rather than productive.
I am literally shocked that anyone would think that I would use my son's pain as attention seeking. If I post that my daughter is in the ER being hydrated with IV fluids for nausea, I am not trying to seek attention. I should not even have to explain why I post that. If I post about feeling helpless, heartbroken, upset, sad, or frustrated about Corbin's autism, I am not trying to gain pity. But, apparently not everyone sees it that way.
So, here's the deal. If you think that when I blog, post, or talk about my son being on the autism spectrum, and that I am in any way, shape or form using it to get attention or to get people to feel sorry for me, or want people to comment pitying remarks, then you couldn't be more wrong. I wear my emotions on my sleeve and that's a part of who I am. But if you're calling me a drama queen because of it, then you don't get me or know me at all.
Everyone is different and handles things differently. If you don't want to see my posts about how I am feeling today, yesterday, or tomorrow, then by God unfriend me. I am a sensitive person and I tend to externalize how I feel; everyone knows when I am pissed off, happy, or sad. I have never professed to have a perfect life and I make mistakes every day of my life. But this is me. Take it or leave it.
I spent the morning upset because the person who accused me of using my son's autism as attention seeking hurt me deeply. I shouldn't let it hurt me, because this person isn't close with me. However, it hurt me all the same. I love my child and it hasn't even been a year yet that he has been diagnosed. That doesn't mean I am trying to overshadow my son's problems with anyone else's problems. It doesn't mean I think my problems are more important or less important that anyone else's. I am simply stating how I feel. If I bitch about Houston's traffic, somehow that's okay, or about my crazy neighbors and their Buddha shrine, then it's funny, but if I post about being sad about what my son is going through, I am seeking attention? Oh, how naive I have been. I guess I need to post more sunshine and rainbows to blow up everyone's asses.
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