Our Non-Perfect/Perfect Christmas Eve in Houston

I read a lot of Facebook/social media and I often think that people make their statuses out to be like they live perfect lives.  People talk about how wonderful their lives are and show perfect holiday pictures, because they all want the world to believe that they live these perfect, happy, storybook lives.

 

Well, that's not my life.  Sure, I don't like bad pictures of me posted on facebook but honestly things have been sort of sucky for me lately.  This post is going to be a documentary of our ordinary, non-perfect/un-Facebook worthy day.

 

I started the day by wrapping the kids' Christmas presents.  Having three children has always been expensive at Christmastime, but right now we are living on Chad's income alone since I am unemployed. I want the kids to have a good Christmas, but we have had to seriously scale back this year.  A LOT.  I think I have had about twenty "pep talks" with them to prepare them for gift opening tomorrow: Mom and Dad couldn't afford much this year; don't expect much; you'll probably be disappointed; remember Christmas is not about presents, etc. 

 

I wrapped what little gifts we could afford and put them under the tree.  Corbin walked by and commented that there must be more coming because there wasn't much under the tree.  DOH!  Apparently he didn't grasp the concept of my pep talks.

 

Chad and Courtney ran some errands and my mother-in-law Kaye and I had a baking extravaganza.

 

 

Grandpa Mike fell asleep through the baking extravaganza

There are a few holiday treats that Chad has grown up with and Kaye sent the recipes down ahead of time and requested that I not bake treats until she got here.  We started with making Christmas bark - a yummy concoction of saltine crackers, brown sugar/butter, and melted chocolate chips and pecans.  You layer it all together and then throw it in the fridge for an hour.  After that, you break it into bite-sized pieces.  YUM.

I decided to make white chocolate covered peppermint oreo cookies. 

White chocolate covered candy cane oreo cookies

I bought white chocolate chips and started melting them on the stovetop.  The white chocolate chips started to burn/turn brown.  I thought...what the heck am I doing wrong?  Kaye suggested that I try melting them in the microwave.  So, we tried putting them in the microwave.  They turned even more brown.  Couldn't figure out what the heck we were doing wrong!!!  We ended up with a disgusting amalgation that I thought looked like dog barf.

This is what happens when you don't melt white chocolate chips correctly.  Christmas Barf.

It turns out that I did not read the melting directions on the package.  In order to melt the white chocolate chips into smooth, creamy dipping chocolate you have to add one tablespoon of vegetable oil.  Who knew?!?!?  In any event, I had saved enough white chocolate chips to make another batch - this time, it melted perfectly and I was able to make white chocolate covered peppermint/candy cane oreo cookies.  Kaye didn't want to throw away the Christmas Barf concoction because, as disgusting as it looks, it actually tastes really good.  We put it in the fridge and decided to make Christmas Barf fudge.  I'll let you know how it turns out in the morning.  See, life in our house is not Facebook perfect.

Carly is breaking apart the Christmas Bark into pieces

We had a mid-day snack of summer sausage/cheese and crackers.  The girls were helpful in putting it all together while we were busy in the kitchen.

Courtney and Carly making a meat and cheese platter

Two favorite holiday treats that Kaye makes every year is cherry bars and orange cookies.  The orange cookies are Chad's favorite Christmas cookie.

Kaye is baking orange cookies

Carly decided that she needed to nap but Courtney stayed up to help frost the orange cookies.  I took this candid shot of Courtney and Kaye finishing up frosting the orange cookies.

Finishing up the orange cookies

We also baked traditional sugar cookies.  We decided to take a break before frosting and decorating the sugar cookies.

Lighted garland on the railing upstairs

Another random photo of our lighted garland

Our Christmas Tree 2014

The family then casually relaxed and watched "Christmas Vacation".  Courtney and Carly actually sat by each other and played nice.  Maybe the holiday bug bit them and they were feeling friendly.  Or, maybe they knew Santa was watching.  Who knows.

Selfies.  Always selfies.

We had a non-traditional Christmas Eve dinner of Papa Murphy's pizza.  Chad and Corbin had the honors of making the pizza this year.

Corbin waving and Chad preparing the pizza for the oven.

Clark Griswald on the TV.

After we had our pizza, we finished frosting the sugar cookies.

We cleaned up the table and decided to play a little Pictionary.  Grandpa Mike hasn't played Pictionary before and the first word he had to draw was "Obstetrician".   Needless to say, we let him re-draw from the card deck to choose a different word.  The kids had no idea was an Obstetrician is.  Good thing.  ;)

Grandpa Mike at the drawing board

Corbin at the drawing board.  His word was "terrier".

Carly always guesses the right words.  She's the best guesser of the family!

Chad and Corbin drawing an "all play" word

Grandpa Mike and Corbin laughing at the word they have to draw

We played two games of Pictionary total.  Another perfect example of our not-perfect life: The first game was great; lots of fun, people laughing and having a good time.  Game 2 had fighting, people wanting to quit, and finally Chad called it off before the game was even over because he had "had it" - he'd reached maximum capacity of bickering, pouting, and after Courtney knocked over the deck of cards and spilled them all over the floor, he was done.

Random tree ornament photo...just because.

Chad trying to get Cali to "stay" in front of the tree for a picture.  Cali ended up shaking, laying down, and turning in a few circles before finally getting her settled by the tree for a photo.

Cali Christmas Eve 2014

So there's our not-perfect/perfect Christmas Eve in Houston.  I did really well until my mom called me.  See, traditionally we spend Christmas Eve with my family at my mom's house.  It's also filled full of chaos and laughter.  It didn't feel like Christmas Eve today because I wasn't in Minnesota at my mom's house.  She called and I was fine, but then my stepdad got on the phone and wished me Merry Christmas and it was all over for me...I bawled like a baby.  I sat in my closet and cried because I was sad that I couldn't be there.  I pulled it together and finished the rest of the day.

Right now A Christmas Story is on the TV and we're getting ready for bed.  Last minute wrapping is going on upstairs and Chad and I are ready to hit the hay.  Tomorrow will be our first Christmas in Houston and we will have been here for almost a year.

Merry Christmas Eve from the Nelsons in Houston.  :)

Family Updates :)

Well, Carly officially passed her driver's exam last Friday.  She had to wait until Tuesday to actually be able to drive solo - here in Texas, the place where you take driver's ed now offers driving assessments like the DMV/DPS offers.  You take the test with the driving school, and if you pass you bring certified papers to the DPS and they take your photo and issue you a license.  Since she took her exam on Friday evening after 4 p.m., she had to wait until the DPS opened again on Monday.  Further, here in Texas they have a rule that you must submit a VOE - a Verification of Enrollment and Attendance.  Apparently they won't issue you a driver's license when you're 16 if you're not enrolled in school. (Interesting, eh?)  So, Carly had to "order" a VOE form from her school (she had to do this when she got her permit, too) - which takes 24 hours for the school to generate.  So, poor Carly had to wait four extra days to actually drive after she passed her driver's exam.  Since Chad drives a company vehicle, she was given Chad's 2007 VUE (much to the chagrin of Courtney, who feels entitled to that car since she is the oldest child).  She has now cleaned out the car, brought it to a carwash and vacuumed the entire inside, and gotten car air fresheners.  I can remember the freedom of being 16 and having my own car.  She is on cloud 9!

Courtney finished her first semester of college - her last final of the first semester was this week.  She has six weeks off for the holidays and she is super pumped to have a break!  A change for Courtney is that she originally leased student housing (a very small apartment shared with one roommate on campus) - however, she got a job in Katy coaching at her cheer gym, which is an hour away from school.  Coupled with the fact that she didn't get along with her roommate, she never spent any time at her campus apartment.  I think in the month of November she spent a total of two nights there - if that.  We decided to move her back home with us and try to sublease her apartment.  She misses Minnesota very much - especially all of her friends.  However, she has made some new friends here in Texas.  They even came to watch her cheer at her last cheer competition!  Nice!

Corbin is still adjusting to homeschool/online private school.  He needs the structure of a school day but cannot handle the social stress of his disability with autism and ADHD - I am hoping that things get better for him as I am at a loss on how to handle getting him to WANT to do his schoolwork.

Chad has been busy with his work making many sales calls and he's even driven from Houston to Dallas back and forth in one day - that's a 4 hour drive each way - 8 hours total in the car for one sales call.  Those days can be exhausting for him!!!  He is sooooo good at what he does and I am really, really proud of him.  He's very humble about his job, saying he has a lot to learn but is enjoying the new experience.  It's wonderful for me as a wife to see him flourish - he really has taken to this like a duck takes to water!

As for me - well, I'm hanging in there!  Had some rough things happen to me recently but overall I am looking forward to starting fresh for the new year.  :)

Merry Christmas!

Random thoughts at 2 a.m.

I can't believe how much things change in a year.

We're fast approaching December 16 and that marks the official date that Chad was offered his job a year ago.

We moved across the country and so much has happened!

I've taken a seasonal retail job to help with the holiday bills.  I haven't worked retail since working as a photographer at Proex and that was about 12 years ago.  Those were the days when we shot studio portraits in film.  The days where everyone ordered double prints.  The days where we offered same day or next day prints - the next day prints needed to be done before the store opened and some days we were there until 2 a.m. printing photos.  I remember when we converted to digital cameras in the studio - we were no longer allowed to use bubbles in the studio to protect the digital equipment and some of the photographers had a really hard time adjusting to not using bubbles to get the kids to smile.  For me, personally, I had never quite mastered the art of bubbles in the studio.  You had to have the trigger cord in one hand and the bubble wand in the other and I could never blow bubbles left handed.  There were some photographers who were really good at it - they would use a puppet and the puppet would "eat" the bubbles - how they managed to do this without a third hand, I'll never know.  (I could do a fantastic game of peek-a-boo, though!)  While I don't miss the days of being on my feet for long periods of time and bustling about running around like a chicken with my head cut off, I do miss the portrait studio sometimes.  It seems like portrait studios are a thing of the past.  I often wonder how this new generation is handling not having photos printed?  Everything is digital now.  I hope parents are making a lot of shutterfly books!

Corbin has officially withdrawn from public school and has enrolled in an online private school.  I have become his "personal learning coach."  Right now it is necessary to keep him focused and on track.  It's been a difficult transition for him and he doesn't like doing the assignments.  I think he thought that it would mean less homework or testing and that isn't the case.  There are still assignments to be completed and submitted to the teachers.  As with everything else, the transition is difficult but we will get through it.

I posted on Facebook that we went shopping for our Christmas tree in shorts and sandals.  It was a very unique experience.  The girls have been complaining that they miss the snow for the holiday season.  It's not quite the same having all the lights on the houses with no snow on the ground.  Different.  Not less, not more, but different. I don't miss driving in the snow or having to shovel it.  I don't think I'll ever say, "Hey!  I sure could use a turn at shoveling the driveway right about now!"

We just told our management company that we are going to renew our lease for another 12 months.  Another 12 months on Calico Glen Lane!  We love this house that we are renting.  Who knows what life will bring us in 2015 but we're here to stay for another year.

Carly is scheduled to take her driving test this Friday.  That means we will have two teenage drivers on our car insurance policy.  Sympathy cards can be mailed to 17907 Calico Glen Lane, Houston, Texas 77084.  ;)

Mom visited us over Thanksgiving and it was so nice to just hug her.  We enjoyed many games of Pictionary (Corbin loved to play it and since he was being social, we indulged him.) - I think by the end of her stay she was all Pictionaried out but it was so great to see her.  I am looking forward to having her come back in March.

I'm blogging at 2 a.m. because I can't turn my brain off...hoping this bout of insomnia goes away soon.  Can't sleep when there's too many things rattling around in my brain.  Who...what...where...when...why.....I haven't discovered any secrets of the universe in all my deep thinking but by golly my brain sure is trying.  Decided to do a brain dump to help ease the mind so this is what you get...random thoughts.  Now, back to your regularly-scheduled programming...

Life Lessons

I am absolutely convinced that we are put on this earth to learn life lessons.  We are here to learn to live, and to learn to love.  Some life lessons are hard and knock you flat on your feet.  Some life lessons are beautiful and miraculous.

My general personality disposition is positive.  I can be sunny and I can be funny.  I can also be extremely sensitive.  That's just me.  That's how God made me and I have said several times that I won't apologize for being who I am.  Being sensitive means that I can overreact in situations.  Those who have known me for a very long time know that I bounce back pretty quickly.

One of the lessons I have learned recently is that I do need to have a thicker skin and not take things so personally.  I paid dearly for that lesson and lost something important to me.  However, I have also learned that there are things beyond my control and that I have to let things go.  I've learned a long time ago that there is no point in holding on to things that are not good for me, and that I have to move on.  I have also learned to trust in God.  My spiritual journey in life has been a rollercoaster of highs and lows, but in general I want to believe in God and his love for me.  I have to believe that God has a purpose for everything that we go through.

I will take this lesson in stride as I move forward with the holidays and surround myself with my new friends in Houston and my family.  Chad and I have been together since 1992.  We have been through a lot personally but one thing that I have found is that we communicate well and I can lean on him when I need to.  He has given me strength I need and between him and God, I've got this.

Breathe...just breathe

I can't believe how busy things have been this last month.  I wish I could press the "pause" button on life and just have a few minutes to make time stand still.  My life is not as bad as others.  I have a very good life and I am very grateful for the blessings I have.

Carly

The second day of school (August 26), Carly started texting me saying she had the worst stomach ache and she wanted to come home.  I was at work and I told her that she had to tough it out.  She begged and pleaded with me, telling me that something was terribly wrong and she really needed to come home.  I refused to leave work and made her stay.  Chad was unable to pick her up, and with our move to Houston, we have no family that can step in when we have an emergency.

The next day, she still had not improved so I took her to the ER.  She had abdominal pain and nausea/diarrhea.  I was concerned that it was her appendix.  The ER on staff was great.  They took blood and urine samples.  Right away from her urine sample they could tell that she was dehydrated and they put her on an IV.  Her blood work ruled out all of the "bad" stuff - she didn't have elevated cbc, her glucose was great, she didn't have any signs of infection, she didn't have any signs of appendicitis. Although they could not tell me what exactly the issue was, they ruled out many things that it wasn't.  We went home thinking it was probably viral and with her being hydrated again, she would be feeling better.  They asked us who her primary care physician (PCP) was.  I told them that we didn't have one as we moved to Houston six months ago.  The ER gave us two business cards of two doctors in the area that were taking new patients.

She had a rough weekend and still did not get better.  In some sense, she was getting worse.  I called one of the doctors on the card, and they were not able to get her in for a same-day appointment.  The other one was able to get her in that day.  Call it fate, but we absolutely loved that doctor.

I am uncertain what nationality her doctor is, but I suspect he is Nigerian as his accent was thick and hard to understand sometimes.  He took time with Carly, examined her thoroughly and seemed to genuinely care about finding out what was causing her pain.  He ordered a whole slew of tests to be done.  He ordered an ultrasound to look at her internal organs.  He ordered another set of bloodwork, to compare it with the ER to see if anything had changed.  He ordered more urine work.  He ordered a Celiac panel.  He ordered an H pylori test.

Two days after her doctor appointment, she went and had the ultrasound done (Thursday). More waiting.  We had to wait for the radiologist to read the ultrasound results and then send the results to the doctor.  The following Tuesday, she had a follow-up with her doctor to get the test results.  The results showed that her gallbladder is not functioning properly. It is full of sludge.  This is what was causing her abdominal pain and nausea/vomiting.

In the meantime, the poor child has been unable to sleep, unable to eat.  She is losing weight, she is pale as a ghost, and I just want to FIX HER!  Her PCP referred her to a general surgeon to discuss her "gallbladder disease".  This does not mean cancer or anything scary.  It just means that her gallbladder is not functioning properly anymore.  Sometimes it happens and doctors are unable to explain why.  She is a healthy, active 16 year old cheerleader who gets tons of exercise - drinks nothing but water and fruit juices (no sodas).  

The general surgeon did not want to jump to surgery right away.  He wanted to be 100 percent positive that it was the gallbladder causing her symptoms and not something else.  (More waiting.)  So, he sent her in for a "HIDA scan with ejection fraction".  This whole process was about three hours total, after insurance, checking, prep, etc.  They injected her with a radiopharmaceutical, which then traveled through her blood stream to her liver and gallbladder.  She had to lay still under a scanner for an hour.  Then, instead of injecting her with another chemical to make her gallblader contract, it was explained that the company that makes that chemical has stopped making it.  So, to substitute, they made her eat fatty food.  They made her eat a cup of vanilla icecream and gulp down a protien shake that had a high fat/caloric content.  Then, she had to lie back under the scanner and be still for another 1/2 hour scan.  The scanner was supposed to be recording how her gallbladder was reacting to the food.

This evening we got the results back and the surgeon confirmed that her gallbladder is dysfunctional and he recommended surgery to remove it.  His secretary casually asked me when we wanted to have surgery performed.  We are going on 4 weeks of pain and misery for this child!!!  I told her ASAP, and the soonest that can get her in is next Thursday, the 25th.  I am so frustrated!!!

In the meantime, between the second day of school and now, we have had two ER visits, two doctor visits, one radiology/ultrasound visit, and one Nuclear medicine visit.  She has missed 13 days of school and we were informed today that she does not get any credit for the semester after 10 absences.  I am working on getting that rectified.  After this, I am emailing the teachers and the principal to get this resolved.

Chad

Chad celebrated 19 years at Det-tronics today.  He's been working hard and I am proud of how far he has come and the man he is today.  He is still playing hockey on the weekends.  

Courtney

Courtney is adjusting very well to college life.  She has made several new friends and has already had a few sleepovers with her new friends at her college apartment.  She took her first college test today and got 100% (government).  I still get to see her on the weekends (I have become a laundromat and an ATM for her).  I also get to see her when she picks up Carly for cheer.

Corbin

Corbin is basically repeating last year with his struggles with having no friends due to his autism.  One thing he has going for him this year is that I am asking the state to formally evaluate him so he can qualify for special ed services.  Academically he doesn't need any help, but he needs speech and social therapy.  The ball is officially rolling on his testing.  It's a long process and I don't expect anything to happen anytime soon.  Hopefully by Thanksgiving or Christmas we might hear back.  In the meantime, he has what basically amounts to "shop" class and it is all he can talk about these days.  He absolutely LOVES it.  He made a glass mug and sandblasted a pattern into it.  He is very proud of his creations and he really enjoys this class.  It is one of the only things that keeps him going is shop class.

He also transferred from a twin bed to a double bed.  He has been complaining for a while now that his twin bed is uncomfortable and that his back hurts.  We bit the bullet and went back to IKEA (which I said I would never do) and bought him a new bedframe and mattress.  He is in heaven with his new bed.  He sleeps better and has more room.  He's about 5'7 right now (same height as the girls) and he is growing still.

We got a new refrigerator.  You would think that is a strange thing to be excited about, but we have always had crappy, hand-me-down refrigerators that never worked.  We have been married for 19 years and have never had a refrigerator that dispenses water or ice.  We were finally able to purchase ourselves a new one and it is awesome.  Again, I know it is strange to be excited over a refrigerator, but it is a byproduct of our hard work finally paying off.  :)

Signing off for now...

Follow-up to Social Media Rant

I am so grateful for the private messages I received.  I received support from friends in the most unexpected places.  I want to share a message I received from a friend from high school.  She and I got into a fair share of trouble together, and due to circumstances and miles, I haven't seen her for 25 years.  Her message to me really hit me in a time of need, and it was all thanks to social media.  So, there are positive things that happen via social media, and I was grateful for that lesson.

My friend writes:

Christy I didn't post a comment because you asked us not to in regards to your blog about Corbin. BUT as a mother and someone who loves you I felt absolutely compelled to send you a personal message and speak the words that so many of us mothers are probably screaming inside after reading that... When our children are hurt, sad, confused, upset... Or quite frankly, ANYTHING BUT GLEEFULLY HAPPY, we want to reach out to our friends, families, other mothers, and complete strangers to know that we are not the only ones, to hear our children are not alone, to know we have support and to know in this horribly critical and sometimes unloving world that at the end of the day we still have people who care about what happens in the lives of our children!!!

Christy.. I support you, I love you and know this.. you share the same battles, heartbreaks and heartaches as all us other mothers do and when no matter what the mood.. Happy, sad, heartbroken or gleefully happy.. Please continue to share your triumphs and battles!! Because us other attention seeking mongers need to know we're not alone out here!!!!

I've worked very hard at keeping identities anonymous for this situation, because it is not my intent to call people out, but rather clarify my feelings on the matter.

I want to say thank you to my friends who reached out in support, especially the person who wrote the above note (you know who you are).  It feels good to know that not everyone views me like the person who originally caused me to vent.

Social Media...Setting the Record Straight

Moving across the country has provided many challenges to me, and one of them is losing contact with family and friends.  The only link I have left now with a lot of people, including family, is through social media.  I Facebook quite regularly, because frankly it is my only lifeline to people in Minnesota.

I often use the "feeling" emoticon in Facebook to convey what's going on with me personally.  That being said, I learned a valuable life lesson today.  I am naïve.

I have some posts about my son's autism.  I recently used the "heartbroken" emoticon to convey how I was feeling about my son's first week of school and how it affected him so much.  My son internalizes things and is profoundly deep.  He is in a lot of pain emotionally, and just because his bruises are not on the outside of his body, doesn't mean he isn't wounded on the inside.

Someone relayed their opinion to me today that they find my posts about Corbin as too much attention seeking on my part rather than productive.

I am literally shocked that anyone would think that I would use my son's pain as attention seeking.  If I post that my daughter is in the ER being hydrated with IV fluids for nausea, I am not trying to seek attention.  I should not even have to explain why I post that.  If I post about feeling helpless, heartbroken, upset, sad, or frustrated about Corbin's autism, I am not trying to gain pity.  But, apparently not everyone sees it that way.

So, here's the deal.  If you think that when I blog, post, or talk about my son being on the autism spectrum, and that I am in any way, shape or form using it to get attention or to get people to feel sorry for me, or want people to comment pitying remarks, then you couldn't be more wrong.  I wear my emotions on my sleeve and that's a part of who I am. But if you're calling me a drama queen because of it, then you don't get me or know me at all.

Everyone is different and handles things differently.  If you don't want to see my posts about how I am feeling today, yesterday, or tomorrow, then by God unfriend me.  I am a sensitive person and I tend to externalize how I feel; everyone knows when I am pissed off, happy, or sad.  I have never professed to have a perfect life and I make mistakes every day of my life.  But this is me.  Take it or leave it.

I spent the morning upset because the person who accused me of using my son's autism as attention seeking hurt me deeply.  I shouldn't let it hurt me, because this person isn't close with me.  However, it hurt me all the same.  I love my child and it hasn't even been a year yet that he has been diagnosed.  That doesn't mean I am trying to overshadow my son's problems with anyone else's problems.  It doesn't mean I think my problems are more important or less important that anyone else's. I am simply stating how I feel.  If I bitch about Houston's traffic, somehow that's okay, or about my crazy neighbors and their Buddha shrine, then it's funny, but if I post about being sad about what my son is going through, I am seeking attention?  Oh, how naive I have been.  I guess I need to post more sunshine and rainbows to blow up everyone's asses.